I hate this commercial for several (read: SEVERAL) reasons:

1. It makes me not want to watch the television. (I hate you for this, Kim Kardashian.)

2. GET A FORK. (Are you an immigrant, Kim Kardashian?)

3. Who eats salad in a bathtub? (Are you an immigrant, Kim Kardashian?)

4. A silk robe that doubles as a dress? [REALLY?] (You’re so fashion-forward, Kim Kardashian.)

5. Speaking of fashion… It’s infuriating that no one was manning Dash the day this “commercial” was shot. (You’re so irresponsible, Kim Kardashian.)

6. I will never get the Big Carl ™ again. Out of principle. (I hate you for this, Kim Kardashian.)

7. Seven.