I hate when people say, ”Father” as in, “I’m having breakfast with father tomorrow.” Or ”Hi! I’m on with mom, can I call you right back?” Were these people absent the day the possessive pronoun was taught? 

You’re having breakfast with “Father” tomorrow? Um… really? How fascinating. You do know that HE’S NOT MY FATHER, right? [ADDENDUM: And WHY are you using the word “FATHER” (raw), you pretentious fuck? (It’s probably a little too formal for Denny’s, don’t you think? Unless, of course, you and “Father” are also planning to attend a polo match.)]

And let me get this straight… you’re on with “mom”? MOM? She’s not MY MOTHER, dimwit! She did not give birth to me. YOU, my [ex]friend, are on the phone with YOUR MOTHER and as such, you should say, “Hi. I’m on with MY mom, can I call you right back?” [NOTE: I am never calling you again.]