February 2012
2 posts
#Twitter Has Ruined Everything
It’s really uncomfortable when bands (or solo artists) say things like, “I love my fans!” Or, “I love you all!” when (maybe) 23 people know they exist.
Truth
I hate dudes who play the ukulele. I’d bet my bottom dollar that those same dudes (you know—the ones who play the ukulele) also drive Volkswagen Bugs.
November 2011
1 post
Quotes Intentional
I hate when gays refer to other gays as their “family.”
October 2011
2 posts
RAPE Central
I hate a downstairs bathroom in a restaurant.
Shut Your Whore Mouth, Linda Yu
I hate newscaster banter.
September 2011
4 posts
Shut the Fuck Up, Creep
I just heard someone [INTENTIONALLY] use the word ‘lover’ in a sentence. (It was really creepy.) I hate the word ‘lover’ and frankly, I can’t think of a single scenario wherein it would EVER be OK to use it.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall [Please Don't Break]
I hate her face. I also hate it when she cries. She just might be the ugliest-crying person on the television (and off the television).
I DON'T KNOW HER
I hate that everyone in my family is constantly referencing Ellen. It’s like just because I’m gay [YAWN] and she’s gay, they automatically assume we’re friends.
June 2011
1 post
I Wear My Sunglasses At Night [No I Don't]
I hate when people wear [everyday] glasses (as in regular glasses for seeing, reading, driving, etc.) with dark-tinted lenses. I HATE THESE. They’re like indoor sunglasses, but not dark enough to be sunglasses. (And who wants to be the douche wearing sunglasses indoors? [We’re not all part of the Jersey Shore cast.])
May 2011
2 posts
No Pizza Place
Do all most black people have outie belly buttons? In yoga today, there were two black guys and a black girl (no pizza place) and all three had outie belly buttons. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF ALL THREE HAVING THE SAME EXACT BELLY BUTTON? I’m not scientist, but I could probably hypothesize or whatever that “All Black People Have Outie Belly Buttons.”
Untitled
I’m not into adults who skateboard. (And for the record, I’ve never been into lady-skateboarders, either.) I imagine these same adults (who skateboard) are the same ones who still have roommates.
April 2011
5 posts
The Karaoke Scene in '500 Days of Summer' Was...
I hate that Cotton® commercial with Zooey Deschanel. (I really wish she’d STOP singing.)
Goodbye, Kitty
People (read: ladies [a lot of whom are Asian]) who are still into Hello Kitty memorabilia as adults really creep me out. It’s like they’re wearing a sign that says, “HEY! I WAS MOLESTED!”
Don't Talk To Me
I hate when people write “KEWL” instead of cool. And what may be worse (if you can imagine such a thing) is when they try and pronounce it. [Pronounced: q-uh-öol]
March 2011
5 posts
In Other Creepy News...
I hate when people refer to their own mothers as MILF’s.
Why Do I Feel Like "BENNIFER" Started This Whole...
I hate the word “jeggings.”
(No, That's Not Creepy At All)
I saw a girl in yoga this morning with ‘Daddy’s Girl™’ tattooed on her ankle. (Someone was obviously molested.)
My Absence Explained. (Sort of.)
Not to brag, but I’m currently on day 17 of the 30-Day Bikram Yoga Challenge. And instead of becoming zen and full of love for every single human in the universe, I’ve developed an intolerance for a whole new slew of stuff. First and foremost, I hate when men wear hot pants. (I can’t even believe I’m even writing this sentence. As in, I can’t believe men fucking...
I Don't Think You Gave Birth To Him, [Son]
I hate when dudes refer to each other as “son.”
February 2011
8 posts
You Look Ridiculous, Hipster Douchebag
I hate the handlebar mustache.
Seriously
I hate when people say, “Oh, snap.”
(Are You In A Band?)
I hate when drummers drum (with their sticks) on a surface other than a drum. For example, every morning when I walk into the gym (I’m in excellent shape), the guy at the front desk is “playing” the countertop [of said front desk]. He brings his sticks to work EVERY SINGLE DAY and just plays to the beat of the music coming through the speakers. And for the life of me, I cannot...
You're Really THAT Busy, Tosser?
I hate when people write “tks” at the end of an email to signify “thanks.” HOW HARD IS IT TO TYPE THREE ADDITIONAL LETTERS?
Um...Thanks (It's Like We're Hobos)
I hate that he went to Jared™.
Please Move On
I hate when adults wear clothing with their fraternity/sorority letters and/or class rings. (Can someone please tell me the point of a class ring aside from the obvious [which is to point out potential date rapists]?)
(I Really Love My Trachea [And Tonight I'm Taking...
I hate commercials that feature people who are trachea-less. Err…that is to say, persons who have had tracheotomies.
Untitled
I hate what Cedric has done to Lisa Vanderpump. (Anyone who makes her cry should be shot in the face.) Cedric is a terrible liar-person (not to brag, but I called this from the beginning) and if I ever bump into him, I may (or may not) kick him in the nut-sack.
Mexican For Stupid
I hate the 4-door Porsche. The “Panamera” or whatever the fuck it’s called. (What the hell does that even mean? Panamera. Is it Mexican for stupid?) It’s obviously an alternative for those mothers who cringe at the thought of schlepping their offspring around in a mini-van. Or those really [REALLY] fucking cool weekend dads [because going from zero to sixty in 5 seconds is...
December 2010
8 posts
Watch(Out of ALL of her stories, she chose this one.)
Um.. Thanks, But I Can Get My Own Paper Towel
I’d hate to work in a bathroom.
Morning Becomes Mexican
Fuck you, KCRW. If I wanted to listen to Mexican-salsa music, I’d go to a Baja Fresh.
Speaking of the Brits...
I hate when Americans use the term “flat.” Um…it’s called an APARTMENT, douchebag—NOT a flat. AND you’re going on VACATION—not a fucking “holiday.” (Christmas is a holiday. Martin Luther King Day is a holiday. And Madonna wrote a song called Holiday.)
Cheers: It’s A Bar From the Television, People
I’ve said it before (and I’ll say it again [because it seems to be a fucking epidemic]): I hate when people who aren’t British end emails with the word, “Cheers.” And what’s even worse (If you can possibly imagine such a thing) is when they [they = these bastard people] add an exclamatory to the end of it like this: “Cheers!” (I want to take these...
(Santa Clause Is Coming To Town [And Hopefully,...
I hate the word “naughty.” (And the people who usually use it are pretty creepy.)
November 2010
11 posts
For Truckers Only
I hate a “walkie talkie” cell phone. (Why do these exist?)
What Year Is It (AND Why Do I Keep Smelling It?)
I hate the smell of Aussie Sprunch Spray™
Strong Enough For You (But Made For Her)
Men shouldn’t smell like baby powder. (That is all.)
No Thanks, Le Pain Quotidien
I’m not a fan of the “community” table. (In fact, I hate them.) If I wanted to sit with a bunch of strangers, I would’ve gone to my sister’s wedding.
(You Shut Your Whore Mouth)
I hate Ray Romano’s voice.
ALL Class
I hate sunflowers. They’re like the trailer parks of the flower community.
Riveting
I hate cold soups and warm salads.
Horse Socks
I hate when socks have dangly strings on the inside of them. I HATE A CHEAP SOCK.There is nothing worse than putting a sock on and having your toes get captured by outlaw threads. Let’s go to the videotape… As you can see, the socks pictured below are magnificent. Amazing [horse], even. (It’s no wonder I bought them.) [AND SCENE] But look at this MESS on the inside!
Take That Gwen Stefani
I hate the sound of a marching band.