I hate when gays refer to other gays as their “family.”

I hate a downstairs bathroom in a restaurant. 

I hate newscaster banter.

I just heard someone [INTENTIONALLY] use the word ‘lover’ in a sentence. (It was really creepy.) I hate the word ‘lover’ and frankly, I can’t think of a single scenario wherein it would EVER be OK to use it.

I hate her face. I also hate it when she cries. She just might be the ugliest-crying person on the television (and off the television).

I hate that everyone in my family is constantly referencing Ellen. It’s like just because I’m gay [YAWN] and she’s gay, they automatically assume we’re friends.  

I hate when people wear [everyday] glasses (as in regular glasses for seeing, reading, driving, etc.) with dark-tinted lenses. I HATE THESE. They’re like indoor sunglasses, but not dark enough to be sunglasses. (And who wants to be the douche wearing sunglasses indoors? [We’re not all part of the Jersey Shore cast.])

Do all most black people have outie belly buttons? In yoga today, there were two black guys and a black girl (no pizza place) and all three had outie belly buttons. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF ALL THREE HAVING THE SAME EXACT BELLY BUTTON? I’m not scientist, but I could probably hypothesize or whatever that “All Black People Have Outie Belly Buttons.”

I’m not into adults who skateboard. (And for the record, I’ve never been into lady-skateboarders, either.) I imagine these same adults (who skateboard) are the same ones who still have roommates.

I hate that Cotton® commercial with Zooey Deschanel. (I really wish she’d STOP singing.)

People (read: ladies [a lot of whom are Asian]) who are still into Hello Kitty memorabilia as adults really creep me out. It’s like they’re wearing a sign that says, “HEY! I WAS MOLESTED!”

I hate when people write “KEWL” instead of cool. And what may be worse (if you can imagine such a thing) is when they try and pronounce it. [Pronounced: q-uh-öol]